How to be Free of the Need to Please

The Need to Please is an almost incessant drive.

At a spiritual life coaching session of meditation we sat around chatting about life, enlightenment, and our ingrained habits 90% of us agreed it was a major issue

Paul related how he would dramatically tone down his joy of life around miserable people. Joan shared how she would go out of her way to be submissive to aggressive people, by being helpful and attentive. Harry shared how he would bottle up speaking anything around chatty people. Karen shared how she was clear and strong about what she wanted but people took this as aggression. She was constantly being judged, when all she was focused on doing was being effective.

We came to the conclusion that this habit of pleasing others would be a great one to break.

As the conversation progressed, we started to list the things that people did not like about us:

• Our way of speaking. Some think we are too submissive, meek, loud, bossy, raspy or even too happy and sweet!

• Our looks.  Some do not like our face as being too fat or thin, too long or too round, too beautiful or ugly, or of the wrong color.
• Our hair. Some criticize us for having too much or too little, of it being too light or too dark, too curly or too straight.
• Our body. Some disapprove of us being too fit and muscular, too weak or lanky, too fat or too thin, too tall or too short.

As we discussed this list suddenly one of the group shouted out “EVERYTHING!” Everything in us displeases people!

As the light bulb went on, everyone in the group started to laugh at the realization that every aspect of ourselves can be judged as bad or wrong by others.

“This gives me huge freedom to be who I want, to Be, without worrying about others” said one person, everyone else agreeing in unison.

“When I realize that every aspect of who I am and how I express will inevitably upset some person then I feel liberated to enjoy expressing myself, as myself, for myself.”

This is what spiritual life coaching can offer.

We created a meditation about this. Here is the meditation in written and audio form:

• Find 10 minutes and a quiet place
• Sit comfortably
• Breathe deeply into your stomach area
• Relax your body
• Relax your shoulders
• Relax your arms and hands
• Feel the peace and calmness inside you

Imagine hearing people saying to you:

1. Your hair is ugly-  hear the words, smile and stay in that calm peaceful space inside you,enjoy the noise
2. Your body is too fat -hear the words, smile and stay in that calm peaceful space inside you,and enjoy the noise
3. You don’t work hard enough- hear the words, smile and stay in that calm peaceful space inside you, and enjoy the noise
4. You are a mean person- hear the words, smile and stay in that calm peaceful space inside you, and enjoy the noise
5. You better do as I say or I will get angry with you- hear the words, smile and stay in that calm peaceful space inside you, and enjoy the noise
6. You are not a good person- hear the words, smile and stay in that calm peaceful space inside you, and enjoy the noise
7. You are not smart- hear the words, smile and stay in that calm peaceful space inside you, and enjoy the noise
8. You are very unkind- hear the words, smile and stay in that calm peaceful space inside you, and enjoy the noise
9. I demand that you do what I want- hear the words, smile and stay in that calm peaceful space inside you, and enjoy the noise
10. You are very ugly- hear the words, smile and stay in that calm peaceful space inside you, and enjoy the noise

These exercises are sure fire way to either embrace enlightenment into your life or have you running for a more comfortable way of living!

Here is a great video on Spiritual Life coaching

Here is a link to the page on Spiritual Life Coaching

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